today i got rid of all items from an ex and now i will meditate on grief

That is, from a (very long distance) relationship that ended in 2023. I wasn’t holding onto items - presents, old photos, letters - because I was holding out hope we’d get back together. I had the items literally compartmentalised. I mean the items were together (-ish: the photos were digital) but separate from the rest of my life. I kept them because I wanted there to be a testament to her joy and beauty in the world, to her joy and beauty in my life. She was, she is, a good person.

It’s the only relationship I’ve had where I thought I would propose. I think she would have said yes. But, very long distance relationships being what they are, emotional strains and miscommunications are real. Trying to write about it is like a relationship ending. The narrative doesn’t continue: there’s nothing more to say. The narrative just switches to something else.

Grief is a good friend but a terrible lover. It should be listened to, encouraged, allowed to express itself. It’s easy to over-identify with it, become intoxicated with it. Any relation to it has to be consensual for both parties. When grief leaves you, you have to be OK with it being with someone else. Then you can move on.